why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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