all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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