The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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