I want you more than these girls want KFC
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
