bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
The Olympian is in my bed
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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