no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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