Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
