Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
