So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
