eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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