oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
