is your mom at the bar?
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
