my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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