I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
