We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
