And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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