I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
