you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
