wrigley field is MILF paradise
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
