my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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