His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
