This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
