Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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