I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
