Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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