you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize