If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
