just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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