so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
