Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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