i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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