I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
