Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
