I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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