I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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