i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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