That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
