i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize