eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
