so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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