Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
