How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
