paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
