I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
