after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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