Slut skills are useful in every country.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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