I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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