a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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