is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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