So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
