i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize