I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
