why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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