so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
