im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
