too bad you live with your parents still
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
