I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
