No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I have grass duct taped all over my body
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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