who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Houston, we have a squirter
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
