Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i dont even know how to be here
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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