you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
