Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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