In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
