saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize