Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
