come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
