She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
ugly people sure do ruin things
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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