scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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