Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I am mentally ready for anal.
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