he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
