Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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