Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
