so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
